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9 Gangsta Profiles Of The ‘Basketball Wives’ Mafia

May 18th, 2012 - TDM
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Small Bite: @KeshaNichols @KenyaBell @IAMJennifer @ShaunieONeal @RoyceReed @iLuvSuzie @EvelynLozada

Full Platter:

Everyone loves a good drama or action flick, but with the jaw-dropping amount of bullying and indecency that happens on 'Basketball Wives' Season 4, readers everywhere seem to be denouncing the show's shocking actions. After having grown weary of the grown-behind women on 'BBW' Season 4 acting immature and, on occasion - evil (we're looking at you Tami), we've decided to give them mafia names. After all, some of them really do think they're thugs.


Real Name: Shaunie O'Neal


Mafia Name: Shaunie "The Sidelines" O'Neal a.k.a. Let-Them-Fight a.k.a. Do Nothing

Role: Consigliere ("Counselor")

Famous Quote: "Ev! Ev! Ev! Oh my God, Ev! Ev! Ev!"

(P.S.: Why is Shaq the one getting a Ph.D. & you're the one pimping females? #IronyAlert)



Real Name: Tami Roman


Mafia Name: Tami Sosa a.k.a. Anger Management a.k.a. Bully Dogs

Role: Mob Boss

Famous Quote: "Bitch, bitch, and more bitch!"

(P.S. Tami: We all despise your bullying ass. Sorry...just had to keep it real. You're sick!)



Real Name: Evelyn Lozada


Mafia Name: Eve "AppleFromTheSnake" Lozada a.k.a. The Jennifer Stalker a.k.a. Girl-Why-Are-You-Marrying-Ochocinco

Role: Underboss

Famous Quote: "You ain't about this life!"

(P.S.: What life? Get a life!)



Real Name: Nia Crooks


Mafia Name: Just Crooks a.k.a. All The Way Crooked a.k.a. WHY-Are-You-Even-Here?! #seriously

Role: Under-the-Underboss

Famous Quote: "Whatchu want me tah slap you in yah face?" (Enter criminal & civil lawsuit)

(P.S.: No. You. Did. Not.)




Real Name: Royce Reed


Mafia Name: Royce "Without The Rolls" Reed a.k.a. The Serial Lover

Role: Caporegime

Famous Quote: "So why would you sayy that? Why? Why would you say that about me Daddy?"

(P.S.: Thanks for taking on your crazy-@$$ mob boss, Tami!)



Real Name: Jennifer Williams


Mafia Name: Jen "The Lawsuit" Williams a.k.a. Don't You Dare Put Your Hands On Me

Role: Caporegime

Famous Quote: "I don't fight with my hands, honey. I fight like the white people do."

(P.S.: Hilarious.)



Real Name: Suzie Ketcham


Mafia Name: Gemini Suzie a.k.a. Two Faces a.k.a. Play Both Sides

Role: Soldier

Famous Quote: "Off of food stamps: right, Tami?"

P.S.: No comment. (And same should go for you too, blabbermouth!)



Real Name: Kesha Nichols


Mafia Name: Kesha "You're On The Wrong Show" Nichols a.k.a. Didn't You Watch The First Three Seasons? a.k.a. RUN!

Role: Associate

Famous Quote: "Please don't call me a bitch."

(P.S.: You may wanna leave this organization. But we get it. Once you're in it, you can NEVER get out!)



Real Name: Kenya Bell


Mafia Name: Kenya "Kitten Heels" Bell a.k.a. YouTube Beyonce

Role: Associate

Famous Quote: "I said, I don't remember..." [whether I called you a whore].

(P.S.: Who takes off shoes? Really? With an engineering degree? And kids? Who does this?)

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